| Wednesday, February 07, 2007 |
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the overwhelming disappointment now cannot be described. i never hated myself so much ever. tears spill out from the already numb heart. i remembered what sus said before the match. and i swore to prove him wrong. but it all ended up to nothing. i let myself down. my team down. coach down. i just wrecked everything. probably i was never meant to be. i always suspected that the position of cap never suited. and now, i can't agree more. i just want to be a normal team tennis player. to play for passion and joy. yet now, it has been forced to become my worst enemy. my biggest nightmare. as the heart bleeds. i think i will never touch the racket no more. hey crazy. i, too, share the same sentiments. i never seemed the leading material. maybe. i was not meant for great things. the week has never been more screwed up since sec4 started. there's hardly any 'lighter note' these days. probably the only thing i look forward to the moment i get out of bed every morning, is when will i be going back to bed again. zombie-fied. i feel like a robot. everyone's telling me to enjoy the last year of secondary school and treasure the times. but then, it hardly seems possible. there's almost nothing happy to look forward now. even CNY seems bland in comparison. sorry, down and out today. yep. we should be CRAZY one day. how i miss those times. |