candies makes the world go round

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

i've finally sorted out everything.
i'm very clear minded now and very sure of what i'm thinking.
but i'm not going to do anything about it.
cos it's simply beyond my control, besides, i don't think i have the time and leisure for it, at least not this year.

WEILING! I <333 you! haha. thanks for crapping with me about ZUN yesterday!
yes, i believe all rough patches will smoothen out, BE STRONG!
i was so crazily high after our convo yesterday *GRINS*
POWER OF WUZUN!
haha.
EH. sensual in NOT WRONG. you're just THINKING WRONG.
gosh. everyone would clamour after a guy who can COOK and flex his muscles and pacs at you simultaneously.
but, hello, i'm NOT as perv as to ask someone to cook topless OKAY.
you'll probably have to call the ambulance cos i'll be dying from nosebleed. HAHAHA.
sounds damn wrong. NVM!
haha. you'll see JIRO WANG having a nosebleed in the later hanakimi eps, wlau. it looks super wrong, cos his nose bled when he accidentally bumped into ella who was bathing. :XXXX
PERV.
HAHA.
and wuzun DOES not look like a gangster! although i don't really fancy his tatoos, i'm very sure he is a kind, si wen fella at heart. SEE, you told me not to judge by appearance, so i'm quite sure he has a VERY VERY nice personality. AWWW.
HAHA.

THANKS for everything[:
<333 your ex-2i mortal

PS: i know i've owed u your letter since forever :XX sorry!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

haha. my post this morning was utter rubbish, now i can't even understand what i was trying to blog about. my thoughts were so jumbled out that everything that came out was jibberish. i just needed to blog it away, to release some thoughts so that they wouldn't be stuck there the entire day.

crazier,
i thought.
maybe you're right.
my feelings got the better of me, now it's time to let my senses take control.
before i fall into a bottomless pit.
by that time, i think i can't even save myself from my own stubborness.
i'm not sure if i feel that way, but there were times that those feelings were so strong, that it ached. it was painful and heart wrenching.
then again, it's probably cos i want something that i've never really gotten before, so much so that i'm deciving myself into really think that i....
it's all an illusion.
it's the desire to want it rather than the need to have it.
i'm afraid to lose the position that i've taken so much to anchor.
i'm just living in self dillusion.
i can't believe i'm such a failure, hahaha.
making a mockery of myself.
somethings are better this way, don't let nature take it's course.
stop it at where it should, before i can't turn back.

thanks for the advice, i'll bear it in mind.

nothing can stop or distract me from getting what i want this year. nothing.

oh MAN. GOSH GOSH GOSH.
first day of the CNY and i made such a horrid HORRID mistake.
never ever EVER pick up the phone when you're 1/2 awake/asleep.
GRRR.
anyway, i picked up the phone just now and there was this super familiar voice looking for my ah ma, or my mom. anyone, but obviously not me, although the voice represented one of a young lad. so i kindly told him that my ah ma would be coming slightly later and then screamed for my mom downstairs, so on the way down the stairs, he started talking to me and i was like replying his questions robotically e.g.

Him: Happy New Year!
Me: [uhhh.] Same too you!
Him: i'm kang wei, i thought your grandmother should be at your house?
Me: uhhm. she's coming laterrr.
Me: *suddenly registers* i thought kang tai just came back from hongkong last night? i was still talking to him on MSN at like 2 am wudd.
Mom: *passes the phone to my mom who then scolds me* WHO ASK YOU TO BRING THE PHONE UPSTAIRS. *starts talking on the phone*
Me: *makes my way back to my room* AHHHHHHHHHHH! *ear-piercing scream*
OMG OMGGGGGGGGGG! he's KANG WEI, the one in NEW YORK! not KANG TAI, the one in HONG KONG. oh gosh oh gosh. i feel like ******* myself now!!!! *runs back to room*

omg luh. i've only seen him ONCE and have nv talked to him in my ENTIRE LIFE, kang wei i mean. but i know his brother kang tai, much better cos we always meet up in HK and stuff like that, he's like some big brother, so i like to go to his house when i'm free and mess up his stuff[ MUH HAHAHA.] and although kang wei is relatively better looking [oh man, this has nothing to do with the topic at all] and all, i COMPLETELY DO NOT KNOW HIM and i was talking on the phone as though i've known him for ages [ which is true if i presumed him to be kang tai cos i've known kang tai for more than 4 years] oh MAN... HOW COULD I HAVE DONE SOMETHING SO EMBARRASSING ON THE FIRST DAY OF CNY!!!!! gosh GOSH. i think my brain is malfunctioning so badly i can't even differentiate people properly. BUT! omg, they really sound like each otherrrr! and the way they speak is the same too! OMG. cos they have this weird ang morh accent although one is in HK and one is in NYC. GOSHHHH. *smack forehead* grrr. nvm. anyway, kang wei isn't coming back this yr, so i don't have to face him like i did last yr. WHAAAA.

PS: actually the reason he was looking for my ah ma[so random right. a young lad looking for my ah ma sounds utterly wrong] is cos he's my ah ma's GODSON luhh. gosh. which makes him my....god-grand uncle? WHA SEI.

PPS: he's only 27++ luhh. eh. i don't harbour any intentions okay. he's too old. although he may look good and is earning big bucks in NYC. BUT. NO. gosh. this sounds very very wrong. NOOOOO.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

两个人在一起最重要的是要开心
只要有彼此相伴，时间的长与短，地点，做什么，都变得微不足道
因为有你世界变得更美丽

我爱你

happy v day[:
-spread the love cos love makes the world go round-

thankew everyone for the everything you've given[: you've made this v day the best one ever.

Friday, February 09, 2007

TODAY was result day!
firstly. congrats to everyone who did well, and for those who didn't, just take a deep breath in and tell youself it's okay, the end of the world is not here yet. i still have a long way to go. or maybe to cry till you're dry works better. well, somehow it works for me.

a day filled with joy and tears. tears of joy. tears of sadness. disappointment. happiness. all the emotions came at once. a person with a slightly weaker heart would not be able to take it. everything seemed to come pouring out at once, probably for some, the feelings you expressed today was almost all that you have had your entire life. maybe for my case.

i feel so dumb. i teared before receiving results and totally burst out crying after receiving it. i must be the biggest fool on earth. yes, false alarm, those who saw my outburst after i majority left the classroom. i did okay. i just felt overcome by everything at that moment.

congrats to panda and deuterium fL'uoride. you guys know who you are, so...ALL THE BEST FOR the next 2 years- 3 months!

and i wanna specially thank deuterium fL'uoride here. thanks for all those words and console, i really appreciated it. and probably you are one of the few that knew i was crumbling under everything. but i'll hang on[: thanks, it's great to have a friend like you.

oh. i forgot to mention, i got a1 for MOTHER TONGUE and distinction for oral!!
ps: ehh. zhanyu. chill kaes. you still have 8 more subjects to go...i hope you're not badly affected by it.

i'm trying very hard not to be pissed. maybe. i do take things too seriously at times, but that's because i care. if i didn't, i won't bother myself at all. but you seem to view that as an excuse for me to be dominating. maybe. i've been living in my own world for the past 16 years, oblivious to the people who have to put up with me. probably, it's time for some self-reflection. but i'm hurt by what you said, regardless of whether you meant it or not. i really am.

sometimes, words are the most powerful weapons.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

the overwhelming disappointment now cannot be described.
i never hated myself so much ever.
tears spill out from the already numb heart.
i remembered what sus said before the match.
and i swore to prove him wrong.
but it all ended up to nothing.
i let myself down. my team down. coach down.
i just wrecked everything.
probably i was never meant to be.
i always suspected that the position of cap never suited.
and now, i can't agree more.
i just want to be a normal team tennis player.
to play for passion and joy.
yet now, it has been forced to become my worst enemy. my biggest nightmare.
as the heart bleeds.
i think i will never touch the racket no more.

hey crazy.
i, too, share the same sentiments.
i never seemed the leading material. maybe. i was not meant for great things.
the week has never been more screwed up since sec4 started.
there's hardly any 'lighter note' these days. probably the only thing i look forward to the moment i get out of bed every morning, is when will i be going back to bed again.
zombie-fied. i feel like a robot.
everyone's telling me to enjoy the last year of secondary school and treasure the times.
but then, it hardly seems possible.
there's almost nothing happy to look forward now.
even CNY seems bland in comparison.
sorry, down and out today.

yep. we should be CRAZY one day.
how i miss those times.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

hello crazy.

as you know, my whole week was screwed up.
quite sick and tired of the whole thing already.
it isn't tough to be one.
yucks. i wondered why i took up that job sometimes.

anyway, aiyah i wanted to use "on a lighter note", but then it seems that there are no lighter notes. school is hectic, and will be hectic till O levels end. by then i guess i would just shout and scream. ahhh. should practise it now. (:

next friday would be release of O levels results. for us, mother tongue. i always wonder why they call it mother tongue. it's like so what if your mum speaks that language? Anyway, all the best for friday. and also to your tournaments. (: dont get too stressed up. for me, SYF practice is rather sucky too. laoshi called my name for countless times. yucks.

hmm CNY is coming. i don't like CNY. the angpao money doesn't tempt me, since i always leave before my aunts come. so i dont get a lot of money for CNY. i'm quite ren ming le. the only thing i like about CNY is reunion dinner at my ahma's house. i like the sea cucumber she cooks. (: and endless bak gua to eat! ahhh i'm like putting on weight. eew.

take care crazy.
let's be crazy one day.

爱到爱到
爱到脑海里有一万个你快爆掉
你一个眼神我什么都好
或许就是狠狠爱到
这就是电到

爱到爱到
每夜失眠脸上却还傻傻在微笑
谁叫你可爱到无法救药
让我这样狠狠爱到

黑色的瞳孔带着闪亮
空气中飘着你无敌迷人发香
每一个小动作都吸引
我就算洗脑也无法将你忘掉

我学会什么叫二话不说
你开口我就没办法Say No
这感觉找不到适合形容
费洛蒙向我进攻就被你掌控 Oh Baby

爱到爱到
爱到脑海里有一万个你快爆掉
你一个眼神我什么都好
或许就是狠狠爱到
这就是电到

爱到爱到
每夜失眠脸上却还傻傻在微笑
谁叫你可爱到无法救药
让我这样狠狠爱到

就是爱到
将你缝上纽扣扣住我
爱到步让你有任何机会挣脱
在一起的时间绝不错过
车子后座我只会为你保留

就是想要把你占为己有
不要你出现在别人眼中
紧紧抱住你哪怕会痛
舍不得眨眼怕少看你一秒钟 Oh Baby

[爱到- Farenheit.]

so freaking upset with what the bloody REDS did to my hair.
@#$%%^#$#%^^&%%$#@
i'm NEVER going there again.
to think i BLASTED FORTY THREE BUCKS in that $^%$#@#$$% salon.
GRRRRR.

feeling super empty yesterday.
probably if i didn't go out, i'll just be at home staring aimlessly out of the window.
didn't feel like mugging[like wha.] or doing anything.
the mind just just blank.
empty.
i was wondering what have i been doing with my life this past year.
january was gone in the blink of an eye.
and Os are inching towards us quietly, like a silent killer.
waiting to catch us everytime we let our guards down.
and how come one person has so much power over your mind?
just one person.
to make me daze off again.
i need to find myself back.
i need that person, who would do anything to achieve her goals, back.
i've lost her since the start of last year. after sec2.
if anyone found her, please return her back to me.
thanks.